extrordinarily personal

i have to type this out. it will makes me feel better but if you dont want to take a painful look into my broken heart jsut stop here. in fact i might prefer that you did

so to answer the question i posed a few days ago, when you breeak up with the guy you call and cry to when you break up with guys, you cry by yourself after the lights are out. and you agonize over what to say becasue you're NOT ok. you know you will be eventaully and maybe you can go back some day to the way things were before but im not htere yet( like how i swihced persons? Dr hurlow would have a fit!) i am still trying to give myself permisison to admit that i'm hurt absolutely brokenhearted. i was thinking about this for awhile before we got the chance to talk it out and decide. it doenst seem to have made it any easier. and that i still like him but i now we cant be the way either of us deserves only makes it infinately harder. peopel jsut dont get it a lot they think since it was a mutual decision and all that i should be able to jsut turn my feelings off like i made my logical decision. that is bologna. but so far i've had my facade up and people cant tell how much i hurt so sometimes they are a bit cavalier about the whole thing but i cant hold it against them too much i mean it's my facade i put tit here, i'm keeping them from seeing how hurting my heart is.
tonight i IM'd my darling minion who in a bit of role rversal is totally happy and stable and i'm the emotional wreck. he is wonderful. let me vent then said(typed) all the heartfelt cliches i needed ot hear(read) my heart still aches but i feel better. THANK YOU Matthew.