I would like to sing the praises of DSL...i'm not honestly sure what that stands for, but i know i like it!....it was daddy's christmas present....and they are going to hook up the wireless router so that i can access the internet on beatrice....what's that you say "who's beatrice???" well it turns out that my laptop came with a name...and that name happens to be beatrice...i am also in love with her!
and in other "geek"(as My darling Micah would say) news ... i sort of bought a digital camera...a canon EOS 300D..."how does one sort of buy a camera?" you ask....well, i bid on it on e-bay...on a whim...i was surprised to win....(insert shocked and surprised face here) ... it should arrive tomorrow.... quite excited....Ok my cousin's Boy Band is coming tonight and staying here so i must run a nd clean some....and please dont tell Stephen i called his band a boy band....i believe they play metal.....but they ARE all boys....what SHOULD i call them?? :)


a post

2 weeks till i leave for Colorado for the last bit of training....exciting....scary...so much to do...and i am still having inertia problems....i had a bad day yesterday....

but a wonderful night...drove to Grove City to celebrate the end of the Semester with Micah before he leaves for the barren wasteland that is Ohio ( i know, i know, sorry...i'll be nice;)
we had a LATE dinnner (we ate at 9) after his final...decided it was too cold to walk and look at lights....his very strong desire to deposit me in a snow bank played a part in that decission....so we watched the muppet christmas carol instead....

i got a laptop...a major God thing...used 6 months....noting wrong with it...more screen size ram and a bigger Hard ddrive than i could have gotten for hte same amt of $....God is Good!....Abi is bringing it home with her!....



jsut becasue KT asks so nicely!

Look on the bright side, when i dont update there anre none of my annoying typos!

so it's been so long since i posted that my internet browser no longer "guesses" right when i start to type in the URL....sometimes it feels like it has been even longer than that since anything worth posting happened....and i certainly dont have any insights into life...nothing deep...nothing humorous....

i discovered the other day that my uncle Ron reads my blog...kinda fun....wonder who else out there....makes me want to be more entertaining....

so i'll tell a story that makes me laugh....the childrens christmas program was this past weekend. and as part of that, the prescoolers sang a few songs....their moms and dads dressed them up in their cutest little red and green and velvet christmas outfits and they all had little stars on top of thier heads that glittered.....
my favorite was littel Samantha though....her dress was red with a bit of a drop waist and a flare skirt....and right there in the front row, she has either side of her skirt in her littel fists....and shes lifting one side then the other...bringing them both up and hugging the skirt to hereself....positively showing the entire audience her underwear....
my mom is next to her and says, "Samantha, honey, keep your skirt down" And Samantha (the sweetest littel thing in the world) just looks at her and says, "It's RED!" and how can you argue with that?
Someday Samantha will grow up and she will be mortified by the video her dad has of the program. And somewhere along the way, she will stop finding so much joy in the color of her christmas dress that she simply must play with the skirt, no matter who sees her underwear.
i'm not saying that's a bad thing in fact society will say its a wonderful thing!....but lucky for humanity, Samantha's place will be filled by another prescooler will come along to remind us that sort of joy is still out there.

Merry Christmas! i wish you all the reckless joy that having a Savior brings


i do not like

babaganasch....i'm also pretty sure it's misspelled....tha'ts all

well, that and the fact that today was my last day at work...

and my laundry still needs put into drawers from last wednesday (yeah, as in Nov. 9th)

and i am 23 in case you missed that this wednesday (the 16th)

so i guess that babaganasch was not all

but this is the end! (well of this post anyway...sorry for the sparseness)



Originally uploaded by wbsercessa.

uploaded some pics to flickr...halloween and the dog....maybe someday i will get around to scanning the pictures of Judah, Megan(micah's brothr ad his GF) micah and me with our faces painted...this time Judah ahd the whiskers and micah had a spaceship...i have a few stars a moon with a black eye and a pink cactus....yes, i let micah paint my face....
so for those who dont know i quit my job...8 days and i'm a full time fundraiser...also i will be in Colorado for the month of January doing some really cool training on living cross culturaly and learnign anew language....www.mti.org if youre interested.....
things are going well... i jsut wihs i could get myself out of bedd earlier on my mornings off...i'd get so much more done!.
ok off to write Thank-you's, fold wednesday's laundry, and layout a brochure. Life is good good good...gimmme a call sometime!


when you get salycilic acid in your eye it hurts.


painting by Gwen Meharg. I got it from her website Draw near to God

well i'm trying this out for abi...seeing if i can post a picture using the top bar...turns out i can...
aside from that functional purpose, this picture is a glimpse of where i am....it's beautiful and mysterious and full of promise and full of One i cannot see but trust...but i'm so small....and someitmes i feel insignificant in light of the big picture...and sometimes i feel very alone. other times i see the beauty of everything around me and the blessings that i'm so unworthy of. and i'm blown away by the fact that God chose to put me in the picture at all


who's fault is it?

i was hurt last night...deeply wounded by someone from whom i should have seen it coming....i have been in denial to this point as to her nature as a consistently thoughtless and often mean spirited person....and i cant decide if i should be mad at myself for not seeing it coming sooner...i should have had a thicker wall built towards her or at least a sharp retort ready to shoot back...and was i too sensitive....did i misinterpret what she meant....am i dwelling on it too much...well at any rate that's why i have this thing...to get that sort of thing out.....
and maybe i want to be mad at the other people in the room....becasue no one said anything....of course they all had reasons....the foremost probably being that since it wasnt their most vulnerable spot she hit, they probably didnt realize just how deep that wound would get....but those guys know me pretty well...do i hide my deepest fears that deep, that well that tehy really couldnt tell....i cant blame them i guess it was a offhand comment that jsut happened to hit deep when no one was looking....
and i know that she doesnt know me that well....she gust got in a lucky shot.....but really i want to be mad at her....for being a snot.....among a myriad of other things that i jsut wont go into becasue i dont want to go to her level...and for that reason i'm going to drop this and let the wound heal over...casue tha's how God designed us..to be tough and to heal...but i have learned my lesson...next time i'll keep my defenses up....


Much thanks to Alison from the third west whom i love
Leave your name and...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

PS....puppy pics are up just click the my pictures link to the right....also Ami has some on her flikr account too



i have a puppy sleeping in my lap...i'm kicking myslef(that is unrelated to dixi, pictures are up btw...link to the right)....the puppy is keeping me sane......i'm in no state of mind to be writing this....i would like to not get out of bed tomorrow....i'm scheduled for 12.5 hours....this will not be fun...add to that that i'm still up and it's almost midnigh....not a happy camper....and yet, oddly elated and hopeful...for reasons related to the kicking of myslef....


a puppy!!

Alex and my dad got a dog(my mom and i have her too but she really belongs to those two)....
she's a rat terrier...not becasue she looks like one but because we hope she will catch moles when she grows up....she is tiny and black all over except her toes and chin and shes deadly cute....her name is Dixi....the Disciplemaking Ministries Committee(DMC) voted on it at their meeting last night where teh puppy was in attendance....walking on the table i hear...wriggling her way into the hearts of the most hardened of ministry volunteers:) (i promise that is not commentary on MAC church leadership)

she wont stay in her basket...she prefers the dirty laundry on my parents bedroom floor....she cries and cries....after i got off the phone with Micah last night i went down to get a drink form the kitchen and she was not in her basket.....she was sleeping with my dad on teh couch....last night she woke me up crying at 130....so we played for a half hour before i put her back in her basket with another basket on top to keep her in....it did not work that well...mom found her in the laundry this morning....

I'll take a picture this evening when she gets home from meeting ami for lunch....this dog gets around...shes almost never home....first the DMC meeting then to visit seelbaughs and today out for lunch...sheesh....she has more of a life than me and she's only 8 weeks old!!


norhtern Ireland

i would like to say that Slovakia is safe. when i'm living in Presov i will be as safe as if i was in Pittsburgh. Slovakia split fromt he czech Republic in 1993 in what is commoly refered to as the Velvet Divorce...sounds rough huh?
Belfast on the other hand is wrapped up in century old fueds and riots. and Kristen is in the middle of it...suddenly i'm interested in Northern Ireland Politics...


reflective ramblings stream of concoiusness

Kristen is missing things....and KT is smiling....and i miss knowing why...all the ins and outs and details and a hammock at the center of it all....i miss college life....i have of course conveniently forgotten all the annoyng people and hall meetings and dumb chapel speekers and tests and papers and I am jsut remembering community and laughter and late-night runs to walmart for canned air and Orange juice stopping at wendy's for fries and frostys and the "hammock Rule" and the "after midnight rule" applied with reckless abandon at 3 in the afternoon :)
in other news, i'm fundraising....i'm scared still by this....and when scared i tend to procrastinate.....i love telling the story....of how i got here and where God's taking me...but then at the end i have to ask for money....and no matter how i try and paint it as joining a team or sharing my adventure...in the end i still feel like i'm askign for money....i know all the platitudes and all that, but still it's uncomfortable...ok ok ok Art says to call it stretching and embrace it....i'm trying...keep praying
further down on to the gossip column another one bites the dust and Micah is the only havener Boyfriend left....there shall be more square dancing this weekend....i like him....i'm done
the end


i think i'm loosing it

i'm seriously conidering kniting myself a bikini

what do you think?

click for a picture (and the directions; in case you think that it's such a good idea that we should make matching ones!!..how bizarre would that be!! yet fun.)

new favorite saying

it's from Japan....it means to let your hair down....except they say "to remove the wall paneling"!!

how cool is that!!!

anyone who wants to remove wall paneling, gimme a call!!!

i need more sleep....or better sleep....or more emotional stability....can you tell?



i have become what i occasionally am annoyed by: an online-are-we-friends-survey participant!!
I am interested to see if anyone will do this though...
feel free to skip questions if you feel lazy or if they are dumb...or you could always add them if you feel adventurous!!....but dont skip the name one...that'd be cheating...since it's my blog and my annoying survey I make the rules!! just copy and paste and put in the comments!
here goes:

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you miss me?
33. Do you think i miss you?
34. Are you going to put this on your xanga and see what I say about you?

isnt that a weird number of questions?! kinda fitting though...i did delete the one that asked if we had ever had sex....that would have made 35....but it was a pointless waste of pixels! and 35 is still a weird number!!

happy birthday my KTMato!!

in honor of her turning 23,
i thought about writing an entry to tell you all how wonderful and encouraging and generally amazing my roomate is....(you know, she'll always be my roomate even though sadly we currently reside in different states)....and i believe she will change the world.
but i dont imagine anyone reading this will actually care...so instead, i'm going to call her....if you would like to hear me rave about how great she is, gimme a call, i'd be more than willing to tell story after story:)


just in case you weren't convinced of my crazy

Today is a good day to get a potted plant for your office.
Tomorrow will be a good day to name it "Throckmorton."
(The plant, not the office.
Obviously, "Throckmorton" is a completely inappropriate name for an office.
"Wiggins" is a good solid name for your office, if it doesn't already have one.)

look just pretend you didnt read this

i've gone beyond dont comment....
i'm reading this book....it's not that bad of a book....i kind alike it....not that it will so me any good....but because of it i know that i'm supposed to think positive things and talk back to the negative things i'm thinking....but i cant do tht right now....the fact of the matter is that no matter what i or anyone else says to me, i am a looser, and a screw-up and an idiot....i finally got my butt into enough gear to try and tackle my need for health insurance...remember me, the weak looser with the heart condition?...i NEED health insurance....I should have dealt with this back in April...i knew it was important....I really wasnt that bad back in April (see intelectually i havetn lost sight of the fact that these spell though rarely lasting this long have a beginning and end i jsut dotn feel like it now) so there is no excuse...heck theres no excuse now for my inability to motivate myself not to spend 3 hours more than i planned in bed......or to do anything for that matter...i hae to talk myslef into every little thing that i dont have someone standing over me...but now i missed the enrollment period...so i have no health isnurance....and i wasted all that time last night and the night before trying to get this all setup.....and i cant deal with it anyway.....not only was i not able to sort through the paperwork myslef, abi had to help me, but i am too dumb to do it in time i hate this about me why cant i do things right? i mean it was simple to do but i still needed my little sisters help and ti still reduced me to a crying heap on the living room floor and and now i have screwed up and i dont have coverage and i cant do anyhting aout it and i just know i'm goign to get sick or hurta nd then i'll have tons of bills that i wont be able to afford and i wont get to go to Slovakia but why would they want me anyway...so there...hows that for real...dont ask me how i'm doing...i've been lying for the past month


i feel you sister

that was for KT who forbade me to leave a comment...so i'm writing a commiserating blog instead...i'm having a depresive day...i'm not sure why....i had a pretty good weekend...scratch that i had an excelent weekend...micah came and we kayacked and ate a picnic on the lake...literally on the lake...like still in the boat...and climbed a big....make that a HUGE pile of rocks...and plyayed on a playgrond and occupied the porch swing...so why the second after he left did i jsut feel leik crap...really i had time to do stuff and instead i jsut went to bed...at like 730....got back up at like 900 when my parents came home..had the micah conversation and the youre not eating enough so now were going to hover over you and nag conversation....at any rate then today nothing at work went right...i overslept..barely made it on time and had to spend all morning up to my eyeteeth in chemical changes...in spite of the growing number of rolls of film piling up and i was tryign to train mike today some...if he hadnt been there i would have died...a door fell on me...same one that has cut me three times...and he took care of the incoming rush for the most part...but i'm ready to be done there...i dont want to be doing that forever...i want to have regular hours...or at least predictable ones...i want to be able to motivate myself...i want to be able to let someone help me...the fact is though that i dont want to need help...i want to be ok like i am on my good days...yup, we're having bad days folks...pretending pretty well for the time being....most of the time anyway....as much as i love her and want my KT to be OK..in a twisted way it's nice not to be alone in my frustrating mood...dont worry bout me, i'm not worth it and i'll get over myself shortly



Originally uploaded by wbsercessa.

Micah and Jimmy came to Mars for the weekend of the 4th...it was a great fiasco getting them here...Jimmy's flight got canceled but we didnt get that information to Micah before he left home so he was sitting at the Akron Airport looking for jimmy whose last name he forgot and jimmy was stranded in philly looking for a flight to western PA...but eventually everyone made it to mars :)
we went into pittsburgh on saturday and took int eh History center, met up with Baird, Anna, Schwartz & Sawa at Primantis...the service almost killed poor jimmy then we went and hung out in the park...split up Baz and I and our guys did the incline Baird Anna Schwartz & Sawa went elsewhere but Micah and I met up withthem in Bairds pool later that evening...sunday was church and relaxing and Micah left...Jimmy stayed nad did the 4th in mars...i took over 100 pictures...i've posted some of them....the end...i must go do somethign productive now...like leave for work in 45 minutes...have a great day!



it is bad e-mail ettiquite to send a 6009KB msg to someone unsolicited...that is all i am going to say aobut hte subject line...though you my loyal readers (ha) may be glad he did cause now i am waiting for it to finish loading so my e-mails i wrote will send...and out of it all, you get a post!
i took 6 rolls of film this weekend....Jimmy & micah came to mars...yay...it was fun...if i had a decent internet connection i would upload some of my pics to Flikr...i will keep trying...some are cute...the ones with micah in them at least :) it's kinda weird...abi told jimmy that he's different from everyone else i've dated so she thinks it'll be over in short order or last a good long time...oh one or the other...she's right about the different thing though...like none else...what am i doing...he was playing with these kids at church sunday night...he had a stick (somehow he always ends up with a stick...even if he has to pull it off of fort necessity...jsut another thing that makes him unlike any other) and the kids wanted it....5 or 6 little boys puling with allt hey had and micah is just holding on with one hand...it took ashley tickling him and the stick breaking for the boys to get it...it was hot. yeah so what if i'm biased...he stopped reading this...cause i write aobut him some times and he felt like he was prying....at least i think he stopped reading this...oh well i only put htings here i want to be found out anyway...
its a weird sort of passive way of yelling from the rooftops....
its probably comprable to yelling from the rooftoops but speaking yiddish...or maybe not:) ok now im jsut rambling
Today you will realize that your biggest problem is indecisiveness. Or possibly procrastination. Tomorrow may be a better day to figure out which.
update on Slovakia...no movement. i am frustrated with myslef...of course all that does is mess with me more....i feel like i have reached an impasse (i like the word impasse) i can not get anyone to tell me with any degree of certainty what i will be doing once i arrive in Slovakia...this is bothersome to me....also it puts a crimp in myfundraising efforts cause peopel wnat to know what i'll be doing...i guess i could make something up but i feel abad doing that...i'm supposed to be gettting a CD in the mail but it was to have been sent over a week ago though....no sign of it yet.....pray that i get motivated wether i get the information i need
OYE FINALLY...ok going to do some stuff...
Alex tells me that supersoaker was supposed to be a company to make toilet bowl cleaners.....i'm not sure how i feel aobut this....but i think i believe him
send me an e-mail or leave a msg or call if youre around maybe we'll do something sometime


i have this scratch

it's on my forehead...this kamakazie insect flew at my face and since it was late i swatted repeatedly and wildly...the rueslt is a red mark on my forehead tha i hpoe will go away before morning...the end


your bi-montly update

so i've turned into a bi monthly blogger it seems...i'll try harder...maybe...did you miss me?
well a fair deal happened since last time....i jsut dont remember it all...
well i went to Indiana...a tad on the fustrating side at times but good nontheless...the fundraising shall commence in short order....i'm going folks...does this weird anyone else out?
sigh..i have run out of motivation to write anythign more...e-mila or call with specific questions..
i will say this though...last night micah came down and we wnet out...i was very hot having nothing to do with the temperature outside...we ate at the olive garden went miniature golfing got ice cream at the place that is painted like a cow and sat on my back porch swing....the chiken marsala was good, the company was better, my mouth had a good night


life is good

I have to say that “Frog Gigging” holds as much awe to me as camping stoves do. That is the end of my commentary on that since this entry is about Ami and my wild Saturday night…I came home from work and got a nice shower and dressed a little hot….ami and my plan was to go to see her BF at work…since he had expressly forbidden it…*wicked grins all around!* but first we saw Greg walking up Gables road and ami remembered it was her graduation party so we put in an appearance after stopping at Eckerd to show off how hot we were (sad isn’t it) and get a graduation card…after our detour to Gables, we drove to Evans City parked two blocks away at Kennedy’s for ice cream walked up to Bravo got the Pizza saw TJ unfortunately he was headed to a delivery in mars...oh the irony!....after we got the pizza we walked back to kennedys bougt our ice cream and drove home...once home we realized we wanted a movie and went to the bins'o'fun that is movie rental at planet mart...picked claendar girls (about the middle aged women who pose nude to raise money to support lukemia...btw i support it wholeheartedly) and rented it for free as a result of our looking so good and the fact that i went to Eric instead of the other chick after a bit of 9 vs 6 dyslexia while reading my DL# we made our way home watcehd the movie ate pizza & root beer...and i msut say that life is good....the end...


ok, so the updating is long overdue...sorry.

i'm back from Denver....and i leave for indiana next wedensday for more training(the 7-15th) it'll be more adventure, i'm lookign forward to it...in a panicky sort of way

also i'm looking forward to stopping in Ohio on the way back...and i dont like ohio...i'm farily smitten with one if its residents though....on that front all is well...you know the point a bit in when you realize that the person youre dating is deeper than you thought....not that you didnt hink they were deeper..but that you get to see it...it's about layers...like ogres...and onions...and parfaits....(ev'ry body like parfaits!!) yeah like that...it's fun...it's gotten to the fun stage...of course jsut when i cnat see him near as often as i'd like....I've gotten to see him a few times since school ended (for him) and cell phones with free night and weekend minutes after 7 are nice too...there are plans to meet halfway sometime after my return...and two hours isnt really that long

I wrote my first YFC newsletter today and got it approved through the World Outreach office...eep...i'm in the middle of putting togehter a mailing list...if you want to be on it let me know....you might already be but can't hurt to e-mail me your address so i'm sure i have it right...PLUS i like to get e-mail

i'm working a lot...830-5 three sundays in a row some unexplicable reason....it has to do with me taking time off for training and lynn being on vacation and brooke being sick and now i am leaving again and requesting off weeks at a time (which does wonders for my paycheck)....but once i return we'll have a conversation about me working sundays...as in "stop scheduling me before noon on sundays!!!" in the meantime i'm permanent in photo and a raise shuld be coming soon or so they tell me...

speaking of work i'm headed there tomorrow mornign so i'm headed to bed right now!
sweet dreams
all that jazz


life as I know it

so heres the scoop folks i am leaving shortly to spend my day with pre-schoolers...it'll be me and the Sicher kids today 10-6 but before i go i have some time and i'd like to catch you all(like anyone actually reads this)up on my life....

Sunday, at like 6 in the am (what was i thinking?) my flight leaves from Pittsburgh to take me to Denver where i'll stay with some of PB's friends on sunday night and monday and then tuesday morning the fun begins...a week of orientation to YFC and some training...this is where i'll learn about the budgeting and fund raising and how things work in general with YFC...hopefully lots of my questions will be answered....after i return teh following sunday, it's back to work for me....

for those who dont know, work is the Express Photo lab at the New Eckerds in Seven fields its not bad, not high paying to say the least, but it is work and the folks there are pretty nice...all in all i like my job.

Last night i said Goodbye to micah without definite plans to see each other agian...this is as sad as ti sounds, but not as dramatic. it's jsut that he doenst know his plans for sure and my plans can only be made a week or so in advance since tha'ts when i get my schedule....but hey we'll see what happens....for now there's e-mail IM and the phone....as he points out i'm not planning on living in the same country so we'll call it practice and grow from it (i hope)

Ok time to go and play with those adorable children.

peace out


fun with dictionary.com

Havener \Ha"ven*er\, n. A harbor master.
ORIA acronym Office of Radiation and Indoor Air
Aurigal \Au*ri"gal\, a. Of or pertaining to a chariot
gardyloo \Gar`dy*loo"\, n. [F. gare l'eau beware of the water.] An old cry in throwing water, slops, etc., from the windows in Edingburgh
hapten \haptn\ n. A small molecule that reacts with a specific antibody but cannot induce the formation of antibodies unless bound to a carrier protein or other large antigenic molecule.
warrigal: n1 Australian wild horse
n2 wolflike yellowish-brown dog of Australia.....what? Australians cant tell their horses and dogs apart?!!
Oorial\O*["o]"ri*al\, n. A wild, bearded sheep inhabiting the Ladakh mountains. It is reddish brown, with a dark beard from the chin to the chest
Pogostemon n : genus of Asiatic shrubs or trees whose leaves yield a fragrant oil
Micah shortened form of Micaiah, who is like Jehovah? (1.) A man of Mount Ephraim, whose history so far is introduced in Judg. 17, apparently for the purpose of leading to an account of the settlement of the tribe of Dan in Northern Palestine, and for the purpose also of illustrating the lawlessness of the times in which he lived (Judg. 18; 19:1-29; 21:25). also: the one with whom i am smitten...fortunately also located in dictionary.com
Awreak \A*wreak"\, v. To avenge
Marl n : a loose and crumbling earthy deposit consisting mainly of calcite or dolomite; used as a fertilizer for soils deficient in lime
procrastinate v. tr. To postpone or delay needlessly.
Capoten n : a drug that blocks the formation of angiotensin in the kidneys resulting in vasodilation; used in the treatment of hypertension and congestive heart failure


Brightly colored sunsets and starry heavens, majestic mountains and shining seas, fragrant fields and fresh-cut flowers are not even half as beautiful as a soul who is serving Jesus, out of love, through the wear and tear of an ordianry, unpoetic life.
~Frederick William Faber

I love all those things....and hope that the kind of beauty i have is the latter

dinner soon...been waiting all afternoon....for desert i'll have a macaroon

I hope that someday God calls me to a country where they eat a lot of rice…I like rice…but I would still like to have rootbeer! This teriyaki chicken is making me quite happy! And Micah and I had rootbeer floats on Wednesday night while he saw pictures of me that no one should. Lucky me, there was enough left to fill my glass :) yay for teriyaki and rootbeer…thoughts like that make me wonder if I’ll ever be able to live in a foreign country
Tomorrow I leave and the next time I blog you’ll be reading the writings of a chick with a diploma!!! I will also be in the possession of a fair deal of Ale-8 if I get my way!!
good luck to everyone slaving through final exams ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha


there are no lifeguards in the gene pool

this is an overheard conversation with my dad in the basement stair well...my dad is standing on one foot on a small chair using a hand drill over his head....
mom: what are you doing?
Dad: hanging the smoke detector.
mom: why are you doing it with power tools?
Dad: i'm not using power tools.
mom: well why are you using hand tools?
Dad: i had to put plugs in the holes, and now i am putting small holes in the plugs...when it came out of the wall it was becasue the screws pulled out
mom: when did the smoke detector come down?
Dad: when i pulled on it.

lest you think my mother is the sane one this conversation takes place in the laundry room. the high school band is goign to Cleveland this weekend. i am measuring laundry detergent

Me: And I don’t see how you could ever be anything but mine
Mom: What’s that from
Me: That song about Cleveland, I sing it every chance I get whenever someone mentions cleveland
Mom:I thought it only had one line
Me:no it has three
Mom:what are they?
Me: 3-4-5
Me: I don’t know what they mean

some where around the time my mom said "i thought it only had 3 lines" i switched my end of the conversation from music to the laundry detergent measuring cup.



Three funny Havener stories:

Mom put man-gel in Alex’s hair on sunday. Apparently it smelled like slugs, and armpits…on a rainy day…that haven’t been washed…in 29 years, and an insulted stink bug, and there was no point in going to church where people would insult his hair even though he was insulted by it himself. In this family he feels as insulted as a watchdog whose house got robbed. This is just a sneak preview of miss Brenda’s latest book, “101 ways to insult your mother”

Tonight Tom who fixes my car took Roxie home after church to see if he couldn’t get the squealing to go away. He pulled up where I was waiting for my mom to go home and told me it was making a horrible noise that he couldn’t get to stop. He was referring to my music, a G-Hopp mix of Darkbeats. He could not figure out how to turn off my radio.

Mom and Alex went to see baby Gracie. She is brand new. Alex announced at the dinner table that “she looked more like a male than a female” I said I hope he didn’t tell Jodi that. His reply, NO, She already knows…she has eyes.


i could have danced all night

ok, so first off, there was no dancing tonite. the title has to do with the fact that i was listening to the music from "my fair lady" on the way up and i had a wonderful night, complete with swings and slides and chocolate ice cream and great conversation, and for those who care, there was hugging.. that's all, the end.

so as for Slovakia...i'm pretty much comitted....maybe i really should be "comitted"(as in to a mental ward)...on May 16...36 days, i will be in Denver. provided i get the $ raised...ad the books read...and the paperwork filled out...all in all i have a lot to do. and i have little time and when i have time i jsut want to veg out, you know?....so when you see me you ahve permisison to nag, JUST ONCE per sighting...and that doesnt mean nag and then close your eyes and then open them to nag again...that would be cheating. but the once per seeing me thing would jsut be lovign and helpfull...you know how i get :)


wow! and i thought my typos were bad

Internships offered through Asbury e-recruiting in a campus e-mail:

· Sports Intern with Cincinnati Bangles Training Camp at Georgetown College

Also, found on a sign at work:
this sunday: $1.00
regularly $1.50


3 things (in pastor Cope style, 2 are short and one is long)

first, why my mothers attempts to loose weigth will make me fat:
my mom is doind the Dr Phil thing. Loosing weight and eatign healthier. except that my role as cheerleader and skinny daughter means that when she feel slike eating junk food she brings it to me and i have to eat it. mostly i eat a lot of chocolate...cause she gets us both some and then i have to eat hers too...i dont really mind

Second, superheroes:
i fianlly saw the incredibles....every second of the DVD and special features except i havnt wathced the animators and directors commentaries...yet :)
Alex decided everyone should decide what their superhero power would be and a superheroname....i decided i would be able to manipulate time...but i need a good super hero name...drawing a blank...plase i throw myslef on your mercy...comment with ideas...Alex will nto let me rest till i have a superhero name

Third, boys:
Ami is dating TJ...did we see this coming?!
Abi is back with Dustin....we saw this coming.
I am dating Micah...i was hoping this is what i saw coming...details:
I showed up a bit early...surprised him as this is not somehting i have done before!
we went to dinner at some Chinese place...becasue he was expecting me 40 minutes late, we had an hour to kill after dinner and went to a supermarket and bought jellybellies and ate them in my car in the parking lot, where i heard the racoon story...a good story even thought he racoon was not greena d did not skip. My driving was made a considerable amount of fun on. Then we went Bowling...GCC has their own lanes complete with cute old man! We did 2 games and then a game of Crazy bowl then we went back up to his suite and watched Big Fish with a bunch of people...all of whom I met and none of whose names I remember
no serious conversation to this point, but then walking to my car in the snow....(he was wearing FLIPFLOPS! i didn’t notice till we were out and he wouldn’t go back and change) i had to know what he was thinking along the lines of an "us" so my exact words were "Micah, (I hit him, he hit me back) where are we going"
his answer, your car
my answer, beyond that?
him, you’re going home and i'm going back to my suite
i made a crack about expecting an English major to be able to work outside the world of the literal, and spelled my question out more literally. We walked in silence a bit...he asked if i really wanted and answer. At this point, i forgot the word “rhetorical” and sounded like an idiot
so then he cheated and asked me what i thought about it. i said that i thought he was nice and smart and funny and i was pretty much smitten
we made it to my car i was going to wipe it off but he took the brush off me...(which is better than in the past when he just used his hand over my protests) but he wouldn't talk while he was cleaning.... car got cleaned we sat inside
he said he didn’t expect it to get this far that i'd find out more about him and get uninterested and that he knew my love for missions and didn’t want to get in the way of that but he would really like to date me
and i said i thought i would like that
his exact words "do we have a deal then?"
but i still didn’t get a hug


the pope is dying and news media are stinky

to start this on a light note, one time in Sunday School, they were talking about church history and the question came up of what happens to the Pope’s stuff when he dies since he doesn’t have any kids or a wife to inherit it. No joke, one girl said “I know he doesn’t have kids, but maybe his stuff goes to his grandkids” they haven’t let her forget it yet!

Also, not knocking on the Pope, but I don’t see how we need updates about nothing every 30 minutes…I mean at one point this morning they were interviewing NON-CATHOLICS on the street in Pittsburgh about how they felt about the Pope….that is NOT really news folks!

The updates are going like this….
-Pope’s not dead yet
-No one knows what will happen if the pope dies
-“didn’t some catholic prophet say he wasn’t gonna die” (this was from the non-catholic on the street Pittsburgh)
-Pope’s still not dead
-crowd outside the Vatican still praying
-Pope’s in and out of consciousness but still not dead
-Pope couldn’t say Mass on Easter
-Catholics worldwide are praying for the Pope


This is not a slam on the pope…more a commentary on the media. I mean we camped outside Terry Schiavo’s hospice till she died and then jumped straight to Rome where we will camp out till he either dies or rallies and then where will we find the next high-profile death to hang over like vultures?!


i think this is a mean April fools...but i hope not!

"April 1, 2005

Dear Anastasia,

After reviewing your application and references the YFC/USA World Outreach department would like to officially invite you to attend our next Candidate School, May 16-21, 2005.

Candidate School (CS) will be held at the YFC/USA National Service Center in Denver, CO. CS will begin on Tuesday morning and end on Saturday afternoon. A schedule will be sent to you via email a week prior to CS. The cost for a single person is normally around $900. This is just a rough estimate – the cost varies.


I will also be sending three books that you are to read before you attend CS. There are questions that go along with each book—I’ll be emailing these questions to you. Please answer the questions and either bring them with you to CS or send them to me via email. Either way – they are due at the beginning of CS.


I am looking forward to having you here! CS is a time for you to get to know YFC and for YFC to get to know you. I encourage you to pray that God would clearly lead you during this CS as to whether YFC is the right fit for you. And we, as a World Outreach department, will pray the same. I am excited to see the outcome!!!

Thanks for beginning the process of serving the Lord overseas. I look forward to walking with you in the days ahead. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

OK....slovakia...Europe...out of the country....$900!!....MAY!!!...making videos...working with missions....telling the best story in the UNIVERSE!....raising 900$ by MAY 16th....there is panic and exuberence and flipping out and all sorts of rabid emotions running around me....i'll keep you posted.....


a new chapter

And Time marches on, Time Marches on
The south moves north, the north moves south
A star is born, a star burns out
The only thing that stays the same
Is everything changes, Everything changes


tonight i had dinner with herman. a wonderful time. i dressed up, (thanks mom and Abi, the back pants were the right decision)and i looked good. wore my new red coat! dinner was wonderful i had chicken roma and Herman had a wonderful ensemble of Salmon Goat Cheese and Salad. there was an 80 year old lady with a tiara (i had a moment of envy) and lots of peopel takign pictures. I feel like i should jsut say that i have not slept since 900 friday morning and it is 1130 saturday night. i was in rare form at dinner, nothing got past me and i made up for not seeing Herman to pick on him in rather short order. then we talked for like ever about where we were headed and what we wanted and other random and deep things that you can honly talk about with a good friend. i feel like after 7 years of friendship, i got a deeper look tonight. the great thign about Herman is that we are friends first. through all the stuff and changes and junk, we're still frends. he's one of my best and in the group of guys that is second to my brother and dad. a long time ago he said to me "this cant change our friendship" and somehow it never has. once he sadi that i would have no clue where he was when we were 35 unless we were sleeping together. i am determined to prove him wrong. so as we get ready to graduate college and start chasing our respective dreams him to grad school and me heaven only knows where a new maturer friendship is forming. And i cant wait to see where we end up.

Jazz Nite Out

Jazz Nite Out
Originally uploaded by wbsercessa.

for those interested in what micah looks like, this is a picture of Me and Micah at the end of the night.
Wednesday we went out to hear a big band at Dowes on 9th in Pittsburgh. went with Baird and Anna & were met there by Bairds Cousin Stephanie and her date Ryan. it was a blast the music was great the company was wonderful and i looked hot. (i was a tad overdressed but at least i was wearing more clothes than that one chick OYE! that skirt would have been short on a preschooler!!)
beforehand we went to bairds, found the code thing ;) and once Bry and Anna made it, we did a swing tutorial DVD...which we never used but was fun anyway. Anna & Bry had code words for everymove they leanred. micah and i rather winged it, after dancing and a photo op with Mrs Baird we took over the kitchen and made dinner: Excelent Shrimp Primavera. Anna is a great Chef who is entirely too hard on herself. We never did find a garlic press and there was a small sauce issue, but all in all it was amazing
so the whole evening was fun. i got in at 230ish so it's a great blessing that jess and i traded shifts so that i didnt go in till 330 on thursday. but i'm about to negate that by not sleeping tonight. well, what did i go to college for if not to learn how to succesfully pull all-nighters!


a blog entry...

...original title i know. i'm pretty darn proud of it
i want to write...i'm jsut not sure what all that i desire to write that i also deisre to have available to the world of online.
lots of stuff going on in my head now.
questions mostly. lots of whys, a few hows, a who or two, and as often accompanies my questioning times more than a few big panicked fustrated screams "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
life is getting away from me again. or rather i am getting away from life. i havent really been home in awhile. i mean i've been home, but i have been so busy working and doing things and going places that i havent "been home" for real since i went square dancing. it is starting to take it's toll. but i keep scheduling my life to the brim. usually this means i'm hiding from something. they do not call me the princess of procrastination for nothing...for doing nothing, yes, but i menat "they dont call me that without reason" and we both know that! i am not exactly sure what i'm trying to keep from thinking about but i have a few ideas....maybe.
as for slovakia. well yes, slovakia. i have entered another waiting cycle. once i get my references in, there will be interveiwing on the phone and either acceptance or more rejection and either way i shall have a small breakdown.
as for OMS. i still have to finsiht hat dumb theology exam...this problem is magnified by the lack of being home that i have done lately.
and on the relationship front. i'm jsut plain lost. not sure how anyone involved feels (except that Bryan makes his mind pretty clear to me on occasion). i watched the notebook (well the last half hour or so) tonight with mom and abi after i got home from work. as i have said before, i should not be allowed to watch sappy movies. but i like them. i want them to be my life. i know that my profile has said that "Fairy tales are to romance what fireworks are to the night sky. They are transient states ... and while temporarily thrilling, not what one builds a life around." i believe that. but i have so much princess in me that i still want the fairy tale. i know that i need more than the fairy tale to "live happily ever after" but i'm not sure i want to live "ever after" if i dont get my little bit of fairy tale sprinkled in there. i question wether my current course will lead me to that end. i think there's a love-language barrier going on here.
Abi is home. dad and Ami flew to Equador today. I work easter sunday. I agreed to type the words to the Choir's Easter musical into powerpoint. i am set up to pretty much keep not thinking aobut the things that i'm not thinking about. except that i'm thinking aobut then all teh time i'm doing other stuff. but if i'm busy elsewhere i do not have to act on any of my thinking. i can jsut idly overthink...it's a pernicious and insidious disease.


i went to surprise KT and Josh and Brian and Em this weekend. it was fun...i wanted to write aobut it sooo many times here, but i of coures could not because what if someone saw it and the surprise was ruined? well that would have stunk. so i held my tounge. and it was worth it!
I was supposed to drive to Nyack Thursday after work and hang out with Abi friday morning, but thursday i was sick and so i decided not to make that leg of the trip. I was worried that I would still be sick friday and not get to go, but i felt good enough to drive the 5 hours to Philly and Kristen's house. and the greeting were wonderful...i love hugs...and some of the best huggers in my life were in Philadelphia this weekend.
Friday Night i got to see B kick butt at sports night his school's Spirit thing. there was an elephant and all sorts of cool relay races and dances...YAY fedEx
Saturday KT, Kristen, josh, Em Hutch and I rode the train into NYC and saw all sorts of things: MOMA (i may explode over their dumb purse policy) i saw "Starry night" and Kandinsky and picasso and all sorts of famous paintings YAY
then we went to Rockefeller Center adn watched folks ice skate then ate at Johnny Rockets after leaving the bbq place.
and we accidentally went to Harlem and saw white people and a nice homeless man and a crazy postman and Martin Luther King and then we got right back on the subway saw a rat
went to central park adn the castle and Josh got a car
we went to times square and SAW EVERYTHING!! i rode a ferris wheel inside the Toys 'r' Us and saw the pole the ball drops down...and almost exploded with the joy if being there with them!
then we ate at Houlighans which i'm sure i misspelled but kt and i split a chicken BLT sanwich on some sort of fancy bread that was VERY good, the waiter was dumb and slow but it was nice to sit for a bit.
by that point i was feeling pretty cruddy again but pushed on to St Patricks Cathedral which was locked and then took a cab which was fun to the empire state building which we didnt go up becasue the wait was too long for us to make the last train home.
but i had a great day and a good weekend and now that i've told you all about it, i'm going to bed

ps. i got a cell phone



so Micah. i am deffinitely a fan.
of square dancing. i am also a fan.
and floors suspended on steel cables so they bounce and my feet dont hurt after dancing all night...again a fan.
that allamande left thing...way a fan (it didnt work out the first few times, but by the end i pretty much had it:)
and the spinning was a good thing too

So the whole story is i worked all day Sat...got to GCC late...cause i left here late....in a panic..with inordinately curly hair and a bit of lost film and there was a puppet stage in my basement out of PVC pipe...anyway....we made it there jsut as the first dance (i believe) was starting so we mised getting in a set for that one but i got to watch and then the second one we were with these kids who had about as much clue as i did. none. so it was a different sort of thing...i dont really know what was so hard about it though. the caller (he came from west virginia) explained everything at the start of each dance and walked everone through it...but whatever, the first dance we did, it got to be a bit of a mess...but fun still...then we danced with people who knew what they were doing so that was better...and apparently i am a fast square dance learner. i had a great time. danced all night...learned the Virginia Reel (it resembles the "noble duke of york" near as i can figure)..and ended the eveing mostly teaching Micah how to waltz...we need some work on that.

got home around 130ish...went to bed got up for Early church, went to 1st service& sunday school chased preschoolers during 2nd service (got some reeeally cute photos) had a church family potluck for lunch and the commitment service to end miisons conference then a end of conference meeting with the missions comittee that ended at 230. i was at work at 330 till 11PM and then came home went to bed around midnight and got back up to go to work today at 7AM (i woke up 10 minutes before i had to be at work)...it's been a long weekend...it's gonna be a long but good week...i am worn out. i am goign to bed.

about bed, i am such a big fan!

next installment, Slovakia update


square dancing sidetracked

i promised to blog about the square dancing thing...and i intended to the whole going to Friggin-OHIO and allamand left and shooting holes in tin cans and floating floors, but then tonight at work we got robbed...a guy ran out of the store with a basket full of DVD's ... and that was jsut threw everythign off kilter... but that's all i had a long 2 days...so i'm going to bed now....i'll tell you all abut square dancing later i promise...i'll jsut say now, i'm definitely a fan!


i didnt even try to skew my score!

You scored as Sleeping Beauty. Your alter ego is Princess Aurora, a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty! You are beautiful and enchanting, and as sweet as ever.

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com


fe fie fiddly Eye oh
fe fie fiddly Eye oooooh
fe fie fiddly eye oh
Strummin' on the old Banjo jo jo jo

*+10 points to anyone who can name that song...+2o if you call me and sing it! :)

the paper with important tax iformation continues to be lost (currently all my numbers are filled in all right, but if i get audited i may have a time and a half explaining how i got them...pray i do not get audited!)

I swear why cant tax documents be written in english. i felt like i was reading Spanish. i can read spanish but sometimes i simply do not comprehend what i'm reading...i wanted to bash my head off the desk and scream "what!?!? why can't you just speak english!!! HOW WOULD I KNOW?!" My parents are wonderful. they answered questions like "What if i wasnt a KY or PA resident...am i like that guy in the movie terminal with no home?" without batting an eyelash...(in case you were worried, my mom assured me i was a PA resident. i'm still a tad sceptical, if i get audited SHE can explain that to the IRS)

but aside from that all, i'm celebrating. my taxes are done pending my mother returning from work and verifying that i did not make any horrendous life-ending mistakes.

how am i celebrating you ask? i'll tell you, i had a bag (lunch sized) of Doritos and a tall glass of Orange juice. tomorrow evening the celebration continues with a square dance. yes i have decided to celebrate by eatign and square dancing. if you have a problem with that, call my social co-ordinator....;) (you have reached abi's cell phone. i am not here right now.....)

I'll let you know how the square dancing goes

oh and another thing to celebrate. I am a vessel! the vessels are 4 year Class Clash Bash Champions. Woo whooo!! Kristen got me a shirt:) i love her...

Also i love my roomate. (that word should have only one M. i decided. i am the princess, this is my blog, one M it shall be!) she calle last night. i'm glad that she still thinks of me as someone to call when she is havign a rough day or something to celebrate or both. KT Mato ROX!

this is the end of today's lengthy blog.


there has been a loss in my family.

i have lost inportant tax documents.

this is serious!!

also, on a ligher note, let me know how I feel about square dancing


just thought you shuould know

becasue it made me happy

the "plug" that rampages (its a long complex story i dont have time to type before work. its my brother in a sleeping bag on the floor) calls Jelly beans "encaplulated slime balls"

I do not think i will be able to eat jelly beans this year.


i love people
i am happy...about everyhitng....(except that matt is sad.) even if it is going to get cold and icky again tomorrow!
i called brian the Slovakia Guy back and i'm workign hard to get my application finshed so that when he goes to Slovakia on Thursday he can take it to the field director and go over it together. so i need to finish it so i can fax it...so he can get it.....so he can take it when he leaves the country... so i can get out of the country. Greece this summer whet my appetite for traveling out of the country and i'm jsut ready to go. I dont have a specific call to anywhere right now though...as i'm pushing to get htis slovakia thing done i realized that any group that will take me and let me work with media and get me out of the country with a camera every so often and arent satanists i would probably say yes to on the spot. i was worried that htis meant i should be waiting on the Lord more. (which is never a bad thing really) but i think that sometimes if someone sepnds days doing nothing but seeking God's will they wont get very far because they arent moving. i'm of the opinion that you can only steer somethign that's moving compare what happens if you violently turn the wheel of a car sitting in the driveway to what happens if you tweak the wheel jsut a little going 70 down the highway. so i plow ahead untill God puts a brick wall in my face then i slow down and look to see wether i should turn right or left then i start going again until i get a nudge one way or the other an open window or a closed door.

I'm so happy here's the reason why Jesus took my burdens all awaaay
Now i'm singing as the days go by Jesus took my burdens all away
Once my heart was heavy with a load of sin
Jesus took the sin and gave me peace within my heart
and now i'm singing as the days go by jesus took my burdens all away!!!!
*a bit of a sunday-school sing-along for you. i told you i'm in a good mood!!*


celebrate good times c'mon!!

yay ya yay!! today i was scheduled for 9-5...how am i posting at 3 you ask...i'll tell you. Steve messed up the schedule. so there was no one scheduled from 8-11. so since missions conference should be over around then i offered to come in. so i got to leave early.!! and upon arriving home, i recieved a phone message that the guy from YFC who i have been wating to hear from left a message on my machine!!! i tried to call back but the line was busy so i decided to share my excitement before i tried again....YAY.....
Also, missions conference makes me happy. challenges me to remember what i'm called to. what i say i know God wants me to do and what i often forget to act like. not always the most fun of processes...but i love it anyway!


It's way too soon....

To be obsessing like this.
I should be sleepin'
'Stead of keepin' these late hours
I've been keepin'
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
And even though I'm feelin' so right
I'm so happy still I know
I should be sleepin'
Instead of dreamin' about you

for wahtever crazy reason tonight i drove to GCC to watch the Shining. i do not liek scary movies(thought it turned out to be ok), so what was i doing there? come to your own conclusions.


nothing much

All i have today is a BIG
for the weekend off!


my roomate...she will be my roomate forever till one of us finds a permanent one(i.e.male) ...anyway, she's a smart insightful person. She understands dreams. not liek she can interpret and predict years of famine from cows eating each other, but liekthe kind you dream with your eyes wide open the kind that ignite your passions and make you want to stop what youre doing and do that thing. I struggel at times with a weird form of dream elitism. you see, i want to change the world, and i cant understand people who dont. i understand that this is a problem but look what my insightful wonderful roomate had to say in ehr blog:

Can dreams be too small?
I've been thinking alot about dreams recently.

More specifically i've been thinking about the size of dreams.
Some people think that you can dream to small.
I disagree I don't think you can dream too big nor too small.
A dream is your hearts desire and how can that be measured?
For example, if your dream is to work at starbucks for a time
and that dream makes you come alive and gives you a charge
How is that too be small?
If something that makes you come alive and
something that you are passionate about
how can that be too small?
Don't get me wrong...
I do think you can not live up to your potential.
If you want to work at starbucks because
you are afraid of what your heart is telling you well that's just silly
Listen to your heart

Preach it Sister!


Man, That DJ made my day!

Today is beautiful. The sun is shining and even though there’s snow on the ground the air isn’t that cold. I worked my favorite shift 7-330. so that when I got off work the sun was still out. So I rolled my windows down, put my hat on (it’s not that warm yet:) and turned up the bass. There is nothing that makes me feel better than sunshine, the windows down and the radio up! Today’s bass of choice was Trancefusions, a CD my un-official Brother mixed. It’s really a neat thing that he does…that whole DJ thing, who’dve thought that back in 11th grade:) anyway it’s the song that says I’m aliiiiiiive! Over and over and then theres this really upbeat/intense part that if you don’t want to dance to that you must be dead!
I need that today…there’s some rough stuff going on in other’s lives that I’m listening to and trying to just be support…pray for me and for them…I am not giving details it’s not my place….it’s been a rough week, but this afternoon, MAN, THAT DJ MADE MY DAY!!


random thoughts

my schedule is obscenely off kilter. today i slept till 930AM went to work at 11AM worked till 740PM (thanks Jessica*biting sarcasm*) went to Bible study after that and then came home at like 9 had pasta and a pork chop (i was hungry for pasta at 9 PM folks!) it's midnight and i'm not tired...being sick and work and bad decisions and other things out of my control have thrown me so far off...i'm on College time again...why am i not tired at normal times....why dont i eat at normal times....why am i turnign into a light sleeper?!.....i'm obsessing i know...

btw i think i might be a fan. i'm not ready to talk aobut it...jsut yet....but yeah.

also, my fanness does not extend to my job. it is a job. they pay me. i work with a bunch of crazies. not a weird as the ones my mom works with, but still either crazy or bitter or i'm not sure i even have a word for what..... but it is work and it is nice to be working. i need new kahki pants. i sat in something last night. the stain and i are fighting it out. the stain is winning. I wore ami's pants today. we have differnt size butts. that's all on the topic of my butt. praise the Lord i do not work tomorrow

on another random note, love hurts. i'm not talkign romance here. i'm talking love. like the i'm commited to you for the rest of my life. you are my friend and i love you no matter what you do, and sometimes that means that i have to say or do what's right even though you dont want me to. and that means that you have the power to hurt me like no one else in the world. but i will still love you

and on names. i like them. i like different ones. i like ones with meaning. i love mine. 'Resurection Full of Grace Keeper of a safe place" it's liek celebrating Easter anytime someone says my name!!

contrastingly, why do my doodles look like hell? literally. like flames. i used to doodle flowers and swirleys. i dont mean it to be flames, but it does look like it.

a thought i have had in the past and stole from some Asburians Xanga "Why is it that girls in Christian colleges dress like something on the dessert menu but get mad when a guy wants to place an order?" Screw your heads on ladies and fly right

AND WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AM I NOT TIRED... This is the Second Night in a Row!!

my my, look at the time

it is 3 in the AM. i do not know why i am up. i am now going to bed. i just thought you should know that my sleeping pattern has been all thrown off by work and sickness and other occurences beyond my control. good night.
oh, and if you talk to abi, her fish died, for real this time. be nice to her.


a date!

i went on a date tonight. My unofficial brother set us up. i had fun. there was food and ice skating and he can stand on skates by himslef. We were both wearing pink, his shirt was rasberry little plaid and it looked nice on him. my sweater was a lighter shade and i looked hot! (but they were BOTH PINK!!) we got to talk and i got to know him better. he has quite a sense of humor or sarcasm or something i enjoy it, but i jsut simply can NOT tell when hes serious...really, i DO know thoureau is dead but he's the English major, i....i dunno...he somehow made me doubt myself....ok i'm just dumb:), but i will eventually figure out how to tell when he's being serious and when he's being silly. i like him both ways, i would jsut like to figure out which is which. we talked about calling and dreams and hymns versus choruses and dynamite and the problems with kids these days...and there you go. i'm happy. it was more than worht all the driving. it woudl have been worth it even if he hadnt insisted on paying for my gas. again, i'm happy. life is good. Good night


Happy Valentines day

Yay for valentines day.*sarcasm* It was Noffy outside and I am grumpy.
I was wearing pink this morning. I was wearing makeup that would match a pink shirt. I was darn cute my ponytail had a little lace bow and my earrings were sparkly and my necklace was a heart. I looked good. I have to say it myself, no one else did.
I drove to Seven Fields for work. They told me to go back to Mars and wear a navy blue shirt. I drove back from whence I came and my makeup did not match my outfit anymore. I now looked ridiculous. I stood for 8 hours behind a counter in Mars next to an open door.….and HOW ON GOD”S GREEN EARTH am I supposed to know if they have shoe polish or where the dumb things that are advertised are. Why are people mean. I ache all over. I quit. I feel as though I have been hit by a truck. My family has this stomach flu. I have a mild case. I am still miserable. Today I’m going to shower and go to bed early after watching a movie with my sister & mom.


why cant i type the word "just", it always comes out "jsut"

jsut a quick thought. i can not claim this thought as my own. i will not link to the original blog that brought this problem to my attention as it is full of not nice things about people in specific and society in general and more than a few swear words. i do not want to promote it, i do not want to plagarize either. suffice to say the idea is not mine....but i like the idea and think that it should be brought to public attention!!
why arent encyclopedias getting bigger? the encyclopedia from 2004 in Asbury's Library is no bigger than the one from 1984 in my basement! "THEY" (whoever they may be) are leaving things out....history and new discoveries are made daily yet the most trusted compilation of facts and history is NOT GROWING!....one can only assume that information disappears every year. what important facts are we loosing?! and who gets to choose?!...WE THE PEOPLE should get a say in this matter...before important, valuable, and even trivial facts are lost forever!
write your congressman...and your librarian...and your publisher!!

(and then comment on my blog...not that it will change anyhting, i just like comments:)



in case you were wondering which i know you are not, you'd rather read my rants or bizarre thoughts than boring details of my job search...but just in case you were wondering read on:
ok, so i'm an eckerd pharmacy employee. $6.25 at the front counter 35-38 hours a week. starting thursday. Sigh
also i heard from OMS Headquarters today i have a few more forms to fil out and send in a a few people to remind to send references.
and i saw an interesting opportunity with YFC that i'm looking into...if anyone knows anything about Slovakia let me know
AND i've gotten and am filling out an application for Samaratins purse.

I came to a point where my deisres crystalized adn i said, "Stas, why are you looking at churches. you want to do missions. DUH!" so we'll see

that's a bout it

getting off line now

pray for me and let me know how i can pray for you


an analogical rant

This is a rant. This is also an analogy.
OK, so if I walked into any church across America and said “I know that churches sometimes have a hard time getting volunteers. I just got this piano and I think I’d like to play for the services here…..no, I don’t really have any training, I just got it, but it’s not hard to make noise come out of it, besides, I like music and I think I can learn as I go!” Almost any pastor in just about any church would all but laugh at me no matter how well intentioned I was! Now, they might offer to help me find someone who gives lessons, but they sure would not let me play the piano for the hymns on Sunday morning based solely on the fact that I own a piano, and have the ability to make noise come out of it. They would also not think that I was less of a person because I can’t play the piano (except maybe for suggesting it) I have no desire to play the piano in church. Linda and Margie do an excellent job. They do an excellent job because they have had years of practice and training. And yes, every now and then, someone will come along and learn to play the piano beautifully without ever taking a lesson in their life. That is a gift from God.
This is an analogy about technology in churches. It is a relatively new thing that churches are doing. And in a number of cases, they are doing it poorly. Because it is easy to make a picture come up on a screen …. “look, how cool! I can change the color of text! Oooh, look at all this clip art, I’ll have to put a piece on every slide if I want to use it all….and look at this, I can insert a bible with pages that turn while people are trying to read the words to a song!…and look, I can make the title of this one fly in! how neat is that?!” Yeah, really neat. Look I can bang my forearm against the keys and make a sound! Look I can hit just the black keys…now just the white keys! One note at a time….ALL the notes at a time!! Just high ones now….now all the low ones…kinda sounds like jaws huh! This piano stuff is so cool!! Tone deaf people are all so glad it’s there. There are a few classically trained musicians over there wincing, but they’ll get over it. He’s SOOOO picky, can’t he see I’m doing my best. I’m not dumb I know how to make noise come out of a piano.


darn mathmeticians!

Did you know that yesterday was the most depressing day of the year. A bunch of nerds came up with some equation…I concur.
In good news I got a car. 1996 Chevy Cavalier Red, Pretty on the outside…not as nice inside, but still a good car. I fought with my dad about going to get it. It was a whole big ordeal about who would get Alex and re-scheduling meetings I hate that.
I had to go to the bank. You would think that with internet banking and all that stuff, you wouldn’t have a big problem cashing an out of state check. You would be wrong. You would also think that a bank teller would be able to help you navigate the confusing mess. You would be wrong about that too. AND i stink at dealing with people. i let them fluster me. i need to fix that. But once I got the money (I had to write myself a check from my KY bank, deposit it into my PA bank. Cash a check for everything in my PA account, and then withdraw the rest of the money from an ATM from my KY bank….somehow that was the easiest way to get $1900??!!)
So then, as we’re (finally) leaving, it starts to snow. So I’m flipping out that the first time I drive since my accident will be in a car that I don’t know on roads that I don’t know and it’s gonna be like a 50 minute drive. I tried to find someone to go with us but no one could last minute like that ( I ended up being ok)
Then we have to deal with all the stuff at the dealership (they were nice but it was stressful) and then on the drive home there was a misunderstanding about whether or not I needed gas in my car (as in my dad misunderstood, “yes, I will need gas”)
I picked up the mail on my way home from getting my car and got a rejection letter from the church in Texas…you know the one that I really wanted to work at...yeah that one. Once I got home, I got a summons and I owe the police $105 (which according to my state trooper uncle is apparently is the minimum fine…and the costs went up on Jan 1…good thing I totaled my car on new year’s eve!) and I now have a driving record SIGH!...
also, I was supposed to help my sister edit a video for her AP History class, but my Digital capture device wont work ( I cant figure out why) so they had to rethink their project and I helped them edit on the VCR (which I HATE HATE HATE doing!) it turned out OK I guess, (by my standards, It sucked!) so I was frustrated by that.
And then I was putting Alex to bed and he is having nightmares about the worm things off of the Wrath of Kahn (star trek movie) so we had to find a way to cover both his ears and still be comfortable…it took 45 flipping minutes to get him to sleep!! and I was ready for bed at like 600 yesterday
I think I’m getting sick. My throat is sore ….all this made me not want to get out of bed today….
…Also, I despair of ever being hired by anyone. kind of i jsut despair in general. come to mars and hug me.


The Throne Room

Have you ever had a dream that was so bizarre that you knew it was bizarre while you were dreaming it? Last night I did. It’s not so much what I dreamt that was bizarre; in fact I remember hardly any of my dreams last night. I only remember that I had three or four and through all of them I kept thinking “this is a nice dream, but all I want to do was get to the Throne Room.” In the throne room, I knew that I would find a Christ figure who for some weird dream world reason was Donald Trump. I had just barely gotten there when Ami came in to wake me up, and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep so that I could get back into the throne room. I knew that there were things I should have heard in there and frankly, it was a wonderful feeling to just be there. In fact it was so real and so wonderful that even now, two and a half hours after I woke up, I still would like to go back.
Now you can go ahead and come up with all sorts of theories and ideas about why I dreamed what I did; The Apprentice, Donald’s upcoming wedding and the trilogy of allegorical novels I finished last night about dreamers (btw, I recommend Ted Dekker’s Green-Red-White trilogy unconditionally!!) any of those might be factors. Come to all the conclusions about my mental state that you want, but all I know, is that I spent all night last night trying to reach the throne room, and when I woke up I just wanted to go back. I spent all morning obsessing over this trying to figure it out, when my mom said something really profound, “Stas, imagine what it would be like to have that kind of desire for Jesus, to wake up and say, I just want to see Him. To spend your whole day thinking, ‘this is nice, but I really just want to see Jesus.’” THAT BLOWS MY MIND! And now I find that more than I want to go back to that throne room (which I still do that’s how real and vivid this dream was, I’m telling you it was freaky!) but more than I want to go back, I do want to meet with Jesus. So if you’ll excuse me, I am going to start my day again. And this time I’ll do it right.


things you should know

cars: it will prolly be a cavalier...and it will probly be monday. and then i'll be done with part of my searching. and out of the middle of the arguments....
Alex explained about ahving older sisters to his friend Brian: "all of them have boyfriends, I pick them"
I like Greg. He smells nice...i have a weakness for that scent. and for someone who cant tell a story to save his life (it's genetic) he does have a nice laugh
i want one
i am sad that my post about pole dancing got me no comments. i really would liek to try it, but really i posted it to get comments and got no takers.
i talked to like 8 people today who didnt want to hire me. it was depressing
I quit. (a rather ironic statement since i cant find anyone who will hire me)

so if you know about cars, lemme know...i'm looking at 2 right now
a 96 Cavalier with 140k miles and i'd get a 90 day warranty on the transmisison and engine. 2 door coupe no rust and it's red, i'd look hot in it
or a 91 Lumina with 82k miles no warranty, but the guy jsut replaced the transmission (used not refurbished) older but less miles....and maybe a bit cheaper, but no warranty. 4 doors also red, but i'd not look as cute in it.
e-mail or im me and let me know your thoughts.....


blind date

have you seen that show? the one where the TV producers set up a couple? it's funny. I like it. it is not good TV, and some times it is downright bad TV, but at 1100 on a weeknight, your options for mindnumbing are limited.
but anyway, it led to the thought of the night which i know it sounds weird, but that whole pole dancing thing, beside the sexual connotations naked immoral parts, it looks like fun. I would like to try it. dont think dirty things, it jsut looks like fun...
An aditional bonus thought: dating would be much more fun if those thought bubbles just popped up every so often. Even if we couldn't see them if you had the sound that ment "i'm thinking something about you that you will never know unless you make me mad and i have a good excuse to be rude!!" and if other people could read them that would be even better!! I would never be bored again, i would just go to restaurants on weekends and people watch!


prayer request

so if you read this thing, you know i totaled my car. boo hisss! but anyway, i'm in the process of looking for a new one since i cant do much other than babysti my brother for free without one. so if you would pray for me that i would be able to find a cheap car that runs. really that's all i need right now, prayer that i will find something that will run until i can get a job, pay off my school debt, and all that jazz.


dont insult January!

Last evening I was playing on a swingset in Mars with jsut a light jacket. It was up to 67 degrees. i kinda liked it. it was a wussy january though.Today there was snow on the ground when I woke up. It is supposed to be in the teens all day. That's what you get for insulting January.


a wussy january

the weather has been awful. it hads rained all week! today it stopped for a bit in the afternoon and the sun shone for all of about 45 seconds. My mom pointed it out to the boys (Alex's friend Michael was over today) and they looked out the window and were quite disappointed that she was right. All Alex had to say aobut the sun was "What kind of Wussy January is this!?"
Myself i wouldnt mind some snow, my ski trip was rescheduled for Late February, but who know's if i'll even still be around then!! i need to get more proactive....sigh


it's hard to find time around here...at the same time i have nothign but time...being at home is not killing me yet...i miss school though and everyone there. Answering to someone else about where i'm going and when is taking a lot of getting used to. Last night i had plans to go out With herman, butthen everyone else turned out to have plans too, so at home i was. Brian came over and thiis morning mom and i had a small discussion...i still dont see how having him here with Alex, and he left when alex went to bed, is significantly worse that us going out somewhere alone together....oh well. pray for me! i'm not sure how long i can continue to live at home. I'd liek to have an i'm an adult conversation with my mom, but i'm scared that will do more harm than good.
I spoke at the Alliance Women's meeting yesterday, that was fun. i got to tell my story, i love to tell stories!
People at church are trying to set me up, they keep picking not good people though. well i'm sure hes good people, but hes so much older,not cronologically as mych as emotionally. I'm not ready for that. I wasn't ready when Kehb was talking like that a few years ago, and i'm still not ready.
I got an e-mail from a church i applied to in Texas yesterday. They have recieved 85 applications/resumes and turned down 66 so far, my resume is still in consideration. so tha'ts the most exciting thing really.
today i'm babysittign and cleaning the church (audra hurt her knee), i'm keeping busy, and life is good. so that's the update.


the truth

how are you?...that's a question i'm hearing a lot....so here's the whole truth.....the things i will probly never tell you if you ask in person.....
my bruises are fading...the mark on my neck is almost gone....and Alex is home....but my heart still hurts.....and i still dont have much to say to God...."thank You and please make Alex all the way better and why do I still hurt and where were You?"....that's all i can think of to say....I know the truths....i jsut cant feel them now....and tha'ts me being real....
I will be ok but it'll just take time...but in the meantime, i wander around a mess of raging emotions....and i forget what i was doing....and i do escapist things rather than productive ones....and i annoy my mother...and i fight with my sister....and sometimes i find a quiet place to just cry...
so there....tha'ts how i'm doing.... inside, i'm struggling and questioning and hurting in ways i cant begin to explain...and that's the real truth....but on the outside i'm jsut gonna keep pretending...and eventually the hurt will leave


totalled and totally blessed

How on earth did I get to be so blessed. For my loyal readers (as if I really have any) I was in a car accident yesterday. I am ok…a persistent headache, a few bruises, and a stiff neck is all, well there’s also the hickey-looking mark on my neck from the seat belt…except I didn’t get any of the fun to go with it ;)
Alex was in my back seat and is currently on the 10th floor of Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh with a lacerated Kidney that should heal itself. We expect him to be coming home in a few days.
Ami was in the front seat and is feeling left out because she didn’t even get a single bruise, just a bit of a sore throat from the smoke that filled the car when the air bags went off.
I’m still processing. The deepest hurt I have comes from the voice in my head that kept saying “you killed your baby brother, your mom is going to hate you” I have pretty much gotten that out of my head now. But I still feel kinda bad; I mean Alex is in the hospital, I Was the one driving and even worse I am upset that my car is totaled. I’m upset that my pillow and the CD of chanting monks that helps me sleep are still in my car wherever it ended up getting towed to (I have no clue really where my car is I was mostly worried that my brothers face had no color more than what happened to my car at the time but now I’m plenty worried about my car too)…I have no income right now! How will I get a new car? How will I get a car without a job? How will I get a job without a car? And my insurance premiums are going to go through the roof ….I feel guilty for worrying about that kind of stuff while my brother has a tube up his nose and an IV in his arm.
But overall I am blessed. I hit a cement barrier instead of a guard rail and therefore didn’t go off a bridge. Everyone was buckled up. No one else hit my car after I lost control, and there were plenty of people behind me who could have. When we finally got stopped and out of the car there were two nurses and a ski patrol guy who had stopped to help and at least 4 people called 911 before I could even remember my name and how old I am.
Besides all of that I am surrounded by wonderful people. Abi has been amazing taking care of Ami and I. Making sure I don’t forget and take too much Tylenol, calming Ami down last night, and she made pancakes for us this morning. Katie and Kristen are both praying, their whole families too. And if I said I needed them I’m just about positive they would come and be with me if they at all could. Baird offered to drive my sisters and me into Pittsburgh to visit Alex tonight if we needed a ride and he said if I need to get anywhere to call him. Herman let me just talk to him for over 45 minutes and gave me dire warnings to take care of myself and he told me that it was all going to be all right, when he tells me that I always believe him. I forgot to call my minion so he just heard second hand at midnight that we needed prayer and he was so worried that he called to find out what happened and if everyone was ok. The Copes had us over for dinner so we didn’t have to worry about that. The phone has harldy stopped ringing all day; a number of people called to let us know that they were there if we need anything and even more called just to tell us they were praying. So overall I am blessed and God is good. I don’t understand why this happened, but like my dad says this didn’t surprise God. I sure do wish I could get a glimpse of his plan though.